♦ I want to live to be 103 and be shot by a jealous wife.

♦ “Drink and Draw??” Well, if I’m going to draw, I’m going to need another drink!

♦ We’re drawing Paul Newman today? Well, he can park his boots under my bed anytime. — Oh wait, is he still alive??

♦ Woman to New Friend: “My husband is an angel!” New Friend: “You’re so lucky. My husband’s still alive.”

♦ My life is as exciting as a nun’s underwear drawer.

♦ How old will I be when I finally learn to play the organ? The same age I’ll be if I don’t learn to play the organ.